Constant Vigilance
by ChoCedric
Summary: How did Neville Longbottom feel when he learned that he'd been taught not by Alastor Moody, but by Barty Crouch, Jr. one of the people who drove his parents into insanity, his entire fourth year? An Angst-filled piece covering his reaction.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Constant Vigilance

By: ChoCedric

When Neville first finds out that it was not Alastor Moody who had been teaching their class all year, but was instead the insane, sick, twisted Barty Crouch, Jr. he is numb. He simply cannot believe his eyes. He is overtaken by a gripping sense of horror, and he cannot stop the violent, trembling spasms that seize his body. The entire year, he was taught by one of the people who helped to drive his parents into insanity. Insanity, which they still have not recovered from. All Neville can see of his parents now are two empty shells lying in hospital beds, his mother occasionally giving him gum wrappers, his father humming a tuneless melody.

After the numbness has worn off, the overwhelming, corrosive rage hits. To think that a man who could commit such atrocities would have the nerve to look at Neville, to speak to him like a normal human being, is too much for him to bear. When everyone else is down in the common room, he puts a Silencing Charm on the dormitory and then proceeds to throw things around the room. He remembers every single conversation he and the alleged Alastor Moody had, and the comfort the man gave him about his parents. He said they fought like true heroes, that their sanity was lost protecting Neville. The boy had even succumbed to tears in front of him, and "Moody" had consolingly given him a cup of tea and proudly told him that Professor Sprout said he did well in Herbology.

After the explosive rage comes the tears. And there are many, many of them to shed. Neville feels utterly shattered; his trust has been completely betrayed. He developed a closeness with "Moody" throughout the year, and the man had even offered to have him come to his office after Defense lessons sometimes. He kept apologizing profusely for having to demonstrate the Unforgivables in front of the class, and Neville remembers each encounter with him with sickening clarity.

The memories of that first lesson come back to haunt him, and he recalls that spider twitching and writhing in unbearable agony. He can picture in vivid detail what would happen to a human body when subjected to that kind of torture, and he cannot even imagine what kind of pain his parents were in. After everything the impostor told him about how worthwhile he is, he knows he was lying to him, and the realization crashes down upon him like a ton of bricks. If he's really worthless, then why did his parents fight so hard for him? He's just Neville No-Good Longbottom, the walking memory disaster who forgets everything he is told. His gran is always telling him to be proud of his parents, always telling him she wishes he'd be more like them. He feels totally isolated as he lies on his bed sobbing, apologizing over and over in his head to her for surviving when his parents are as good as dead.

He can still remember bits and pieces of the night it all fell apart. When he thinks back, way back, he can remember screams of pure, unadulterated anguish and cackling laughter. He can recall cries of "Crucio!" and shrieks that echo on, and on, and on into the November night. After he found out who Alastor Moody really was, the nightmares come back with a vengeance. He sees the spider twitching again, but now also sees his parents, contorting their bodies into the most gruesome positions as they wail out their agony for all to hear. After that nightmare has ceased, yet another one takes its place, but in this one, his parents actually talk to him.

They tell him what a fool and an idiot he was for trusting who he thought was Moody, and they tell him how much of a disappointment he is to the entire family. His mum throws millions of gum wrappers in his face, telling him that they are worth more than he is. Then his grandmother shows up in the room, giving a glare to Neville and then hugging her son and daughter-in-law, expressing her relief at how they finally were able to awaken from their stupor, only to tell Neville how ashamed they are of him. Each morning he awakens, fresh tears on his face, but he always wipes them away before he opens the curtains to his bed so the other boys won't see.

When he goes home at the end of the year, he tells his grandmother about everything that happened. Of course, with her being the woman she is, she isn't sympathetic to his plight. Instead, she tells him to smarten up and that now he should learn from this mistake. She doesn't seem the slightest bit rattled that her grandson was taught by a vicious, torturing sociopath the entire school year.

It is particularly bad when Neville next goes to visit his parents in St. Mungo's. His grandmother leaves to go to the tearoom and leaves him alone with them, and he sits by their bedside, holding their hands and expressing the urge to avenge them. His heart breaks when his mother smiles at him and holds out another gum wrapper. His father hums another toneless melody, his eyes gazing at the sky. Neville can't bear to be in the room anymore, so he says a soft and mournful goodbye to them and goes out into the waiting room.

The following year, Bellatrix Lestrange and her cohorts escape from Azkaban. Neville doesn't know what comes over him, but something seems to change inside him. The news of their escape spurns him onward, and he fights extra hard not to be a disappointment to the parents who don't know him. The nightmares still haunt him, and the tears still flow, and he tries to hide how withdrawn and unworthy he really feels, but seeing many students in the school come together and support Harry gives him a new purpose. He will try to become worthy of being the Longbottoms' son.

And even though he can't stand to think of his fourth year at Hogwarts, a lesson Barty Crouch, Jr. taught him will always stay in his mind, the words telling him to be careful who he trusts.

"Constant vigilance."


End file.
